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I say we just every so often just apologize.
I thought we were stuffing our faces full of snacks.
Guys, guys, it's been 20 minutes.
Sorry!
Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We need your gold and your weapons.
Then you can get by.
No.
You hear another thunderous crash and out comes a large Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I'm going to cast Animal Friendship on the dinosaur.
I'm going to say, hey, dino, dino, dino.
You begin talking to this and you see its eyes kind of soften to you.
Can I get in the saddle on the dino now that I'm on the back of it?
Yeah, absolutely.
But that's the end of your turn.
No more messing with the dinosaurs.
Nope, that's all I like.
What more could I want to do, Rex?
I will jump from the boat toward the edge of the water and in midair change myself
into a large winter wolf.
Donnie is able to telepathically communicate and he shows you, Nularaaaa, images of
packs of gnolls surrounding this dinosaur and other dinosaurs in the area and taking
them captive.
I can't imagine that the ranger and the druid who are so in love with nature are like,
no, this is fine.
Oh, I'm on board with whatever you guys want to do.
Let's go fuck up some gnolls.
At the same time, Thea charges out, killing two of the gnolls.
Flint and Nularaaaa, you charge into cluster of gnolls.
All of you begin to feel a rumble coming from the trees.
Rexie bursts through the trees as four more gnolls are coming out of one of the tents
saying, what's going on here?
And then they take a tail and just get swiped and knocked into the trees as Rexie lets
out a huge roar.
How do you kill him?
He sees a glint in my eye and he knows as I walk towards him that his death is
meeting him and he just falls over dead.
I don't even have to hit him.
Okay, so maybe me and Rexie walk over to them and they like are reuniting and I untie them.
Just behind their eyes you see that there's a thank you there.
They all work their way into the forest.
Takes you about the rest of the day, but you get out of the forest around dusk
and you are right at the edge of Luskin and standing right in the middle of the
river is the host tower of the Arcane Brotherhood.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We are a Dungeons and what are we?
We are a Dumbgeons and Dragons 5th edition actual play podcast who today are playing
in the same room together.
Hooray!
It's weird.
It's gonna be weird.
Yeah.
I'm your dungeon master Russ More and with me in person today is Tom Laird.
Oh, he mixed it up.
He was looking at you.
She's always here in person with me.
Okay.
Hello, that's me.
And Carla Johnson.
Hello.
And Amy More.
Hi.
You waved it.
I did.
Hi.
I told this was a webcast.
Is that on the case?
No, no, no.
We'll get there someday.
We'll get settled.
There was too much stuff in teeth.
Okay, that was fair enough.
Yeah, we'll be a snack.
Yes.
Apologies.
We are stuffing our faces full of snacks.
So yeah, good luck with that.
Well, it's we haven't seen each other in a while.
That's all we do together is just eat snacks.
You guys want to stay for pizza?
I hear Little Caesar's does stuffed crust snacks.
What?
I hear there's a better future plan.
So much has changed.
I know.
Since you've been away.
I know.
Surely we are in the future now.
Amazing.
Little Caesar's not a sponsor,
but you can give us a call.
That's fine.
Oh, yeah.
We're all in Canada now.
We can all enjoy.
Enjoy might not be the right word.
Hey, Little Caesar's trying to jam.
Oh, sure.
Get us food.
That crazy bread's tasty though.
That's a no for Little Caesar.
We'll talk about it more.
That's right.
If you are, if this is your first episode jumping on with us,
we are all in the same room.
So the editing will be more difficult to do.
It's usually much cleaner than this.
And we apologize, but it'll be fun.
So that's good.
This is our first Patreon episode after of which we've asked you to sign up on Patreon.
So our rewards begin and we're going to dedicate this episode to a random patron.
And today it's Yago Vanny.
Vanny.
Yago Vanny.
Thanks, Yago.
You're awesome.
Wow.
Do any of you know that person?
He talks to me quite a lot on Twitter.
There's one fucking powerful name.
I just want to say it right.
That's like you walk into the room and that's Yago.
Will you arrive on your dragon is what it sounds like.
Maybe.
Yeah, Yago talks us up a lot on Twitter.
Awesome.
Thank you, Yago.
So thank you very much for that and for contributing to our podcast.
He's at the $5 level.
So he gets chances for a dedication.
Obviously, he won that one in this one and then also can contribute to a future
Q&A episode, which we will do eventually.
And like respect.
About respect.
Because you don't have to buy that now.
For reals.
Respect doesn't come for free.
Anybody who does Patreon for us is blowing our mind.
So thank you all.
Yeah.
Agreed.
Yes.
And then this is episode 21, guys.
We've been doing this for two decades.
Oh my God, our podcast can drink in the United States.
Each episode is a year long, obviously.
We let a year go by before we record again.
That's how we test the dedication of our listeners.
Are you still with us?
It's 2018.
So this may be a good point to do a little description of your characters again,
because it's been a while.
You always string these things on us.
You should know your characters.
No warning.
He did it just so he could see all of us go.
Free as DNA headlight style.
Oh my God, Russ, every time.
Well, you've been playing these characters for two years now.
You think you know what you look like.
I think I know my character.
I can't remember if we've ever been on a train, but I know my character.
You know, right?
I didn't dream my little action figure that I normally have,
so now I can't remember what I played.
Oh, there we go.
That's fun.
It's always inside my dice container.
The sword for mine is in my dice container.
It's a symbol.
It's symbolic.
But the other one's on my desk, where I've worked.
You usually play in work.
Yeah.
So who wants to start?
Looks like Amy does.
Amy, go.
Who do you play?
Amy, what's your deal?
I play Thea Amastasia.
I am a druid elf, elf druid.
Is there a specific order you're supposed to say that?
Probably elf druid.
Elf druid.
And I am badass.
I like to kill and slash things a lot,
but I'm getting more in touch with my druid self
and my oneness with nature, figuring myself out.
Now, finally, I feel like I'm in the teenage years,
the way that I've kind of put my character.
Look at the bio.
I know, I'm trying to play.
Things from here have disappeared.
No, look at me, too.
Have you ever put them in there?
No, yet, like character appearance.
My whole bio is empty.
It's because you guys never film it.
No, that's not it.
It's on my paper one.
Untrue.
So elf, I'm awesome.
I'm also a weed dealer.
That's how I know Flynn.
So because of PTSD, so it's all medicine.
Nobody can freak out.
And Nularaaa and I are totally buds
after defeating an orc together, bond over battle.
And I have this amazing book that I'm
digging into trying to figure out
more about my druid self and what that means for me.
And mostly I'm just like trying not to die
because I'm learning that you shouldn't be front line
in a battle if you can't fucking swing a sword.
And what do you look like?
Mm.
Wasn't that the whole exercise?
Was it?
Damn it.
I'm an elf.
I have pointy ears.
I have bright green eyes and bluish white skin.
That's almost like.
I think you're pretty tall.
I'm very tall.
I'm 5'9".
That's very tall to someone who's only 5'1".
I'm 110 pounds because I put weight in here, I guess.
So I'm tall and willowy, small nature-y and stuff.
And my hair is a brilliant blue.
But since I am a magical being,
I can change my appearance when necessary.
Sweet, good job.
And I'm 200 years old.
Well now, see, we can get people to draw pictures of us
maybe because we actually described ourselves.
That would be super fantastic.
Not that we're soliciting that,
but if you wanted to, we would appreciate it.
Yeah, if there's anyone who can do fan art out there,
that would be so.
I would also like one of my character in Tom's
the side-scrolling game because I think that Goliath
picture that I have up there is super.
Like nothing too titty.
Oh, now you're going to get stuff that's titty
if you're going to get it at all.
Well, no, all the girls are all like super busty.
If you could make any fantasy character not too titty,
that would be unbelievable.
25% less titty.
Trying to find pictures.
Like when we started the side-scrolling game,
I was trying to find a picture and everything was like,
I'm uncomfortable looking at this.
Like this was not for me.
Well, and not to mention completely impractical.
I would not be all open in the chest area in battle.
Like, let's come on.
I'm covered in armor.
I'm a smart elf, you know.
Smart elf.
I'm a smart elf.
Not like those Keebler elves.
Smart elves.
Who does baking in the middle of a tree?
No, it's a recipe for disaster.
Recipe pun intended.
That's good.
So yeah, some non-slutty character art would be fantastic.
Just throwing that out there.
I'm done.
End of scene.
I'm not eating film kits.
All right, let's go down the line.
Carla, who do you plan?
What's your deal?
And like the, and what's your deal?
What's your deal?
Russ's interviewing techniques.
Solid. What's your deal?
And then the person just talks.
He's a real Terry Gross.
I was a really great one there.
What's your deal?
It also makes you like immediately uncomfortable.
You're like, I have a deal?
What?
What's my deal?
I play Nulara Moonbrook.
I am a human ranger.
I'm also tall because I'm five foot ten.
Since I'm five foot two in real life.
So I was like, oh, I have to be tall.
Five ten.
Whoa.
Pale dark hair.
We're talking about looks.
Pale dark hair.
Pale face.
Oh.
Dark hair.
Pale, comma, dark hair.
Yes.
I am quite gruff.
I was a ranger.
Lived in the woods alone for a long time.
My politeness skills are a little lacking sometimes.
You know you say, you're not polite, you're still polite.
Well, it's hard.
I think in real life, I try to be polite.
It's hard to.
Also Canadian.
All Canadian cast.
I feel like I need to apologize right now.
We started this podcast with an apology.
It's true.
And I have a little buddy.
I have a pseudo dragon.
Who's like a cat-sized dragon, basically, named Donnie.
Sometimes Russ does his voice with a great accent.
Super great.
It's really good.
Maybe Donnie will talk this episode through.
Maybe.
We could probably get into some sort of shenanigans where he has to talk.
Last time I drew attention to Donnie in that way, Russ almost killed him.
It's purely accidental.
I mean, I intended to aim for him.
Accidental is like, yeah, let's hit Donnie with some shit.
Accidental?
He couldn't have known he had so many hit points.
He does have the hit points, like, of a cat.
I was just thinking, I was like, you know, Donnie never gets targeted by anything.
It's true.
He's always flying around, like, snipping at people's ears.
And I took that opportunity to almost kill him.
It's fair.
You guys can heal things a little bit.
You're good.
When we remember.
I have two spells I can heal.
I'm eating a chip now, so I guess I'm done.
You're done.
Tom!
That's your reward.
It's a nice reward.
I like it.
I play Flint Firebeard.
He's a short, because not like these other tallies over here.
He's a dwarf champion fighter.
A career background in the military, but his company went kind of more mercenary
than military and he wasn't really digging it.
Plus there's some PSTD issues as well.
PTSD issues.
I don't know what that is.
No, there's some PTSD issues in his background, which is why he met Thea originally,
because she would hook him up with some sweet, relaxing herb to take the edge off.
And he's lawful good in alignment, so he always tries to do the right thing
and rushes in kind of through the doors first, because he's a dwarf fighter
and that's probably what he should be doing.
That's about it.
I'm not going to eat a chip because I've already been eating them constantly.
That's fair.
Oh, he's got a bitching beard too.
Don't forget that.
With the name of Firebeard.
It's in the name.
And a scar on his face.
Anywhere you want it, it's fine.
It's a floating scar.
Just whatever you want.
Like here.
Putting that out there.
There's probably not a lightning bolt in between his eyebrows, but anything else.
Cool.
I think the other part is probably an intellectual property of one JK Rowling.
Probably.
I would assume.
Probably.
We don't want to date him.
Yeah, so we are playing through The Rise of Tiamat,
which is from The Wizards of the Coast there.
If you've started listening to us recently, we haven't really been doing it,
I think, within the book since about episode 7.
And now this is episode 21.
So we're getting back there.
We're getting back.
There's some little side things that happened.
Dress is steering us back.
What was supposed to be a side quest?
I mean, somebody had a great idea after that.
I don't know who it was, but probably it was me.
I'm going to go with Amy.
Yeah.
I think Amy had the great idea.
Was it me?
I don't know to what we're referring.
It's all good.
I think just in general.
Wasn't your idea to do the podcast?
It was.
Great idea.
Such a good idea.
Such a long time ago.
It was a joke.
It was a hammered.
It came true.
I'm going to get really drunk, you guys.
Yeah, you should probably make all your wishes come true.
Isn't that the saying?
A joke when you're hammered is a dream your wish made?
No, a wish your heart made.
A wish your heart made.
Yes.
Thank you.
It's gone.
I can't find the words in my head.
Yeah.
I know.
Carla thought steering into the skid was a good idea, but it was not.
Look on your hammer to dream your wish made.
It's good.
It just rolls off the top.
So at one point we'll probably have merch, right?
So that's going to be on a t-shirt somewhere.
We have merch.
Good segues.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
No, segues are good.
No.
You're welcome.
You know.
Where do they go to get our merch?
We're doing it, guys.
They go to Redbubble.
No.
Well, you can, but easier.
Go to dumbdragons.com and click our store button.
You know what's even easier than that?
Have Russ and Amy bring it to you when they move back from Korea.
We got stickers.
They look great.
They're awesome.
I'm too tired just seeing them in real life for the first time.
I have to decide where to put them.
I was thinking like on the back of my, because I got a bunch of radio station stickers on there,
but then I was like, no, I want to put that somewhere good.
I don't know if people are going to see this.
Ooh, laptop's a good choice.
Only if it's a new laptop.
Exactly.
I mean, if you're going to get rid of your MacBook in a year, I mean, you're just
going to have to buy a new sticker.
It's true.
Okay, I think we're done schlocking all our stuff, so we might as well get on
with the podcast.
That was amazing.
Amy just tried to sell me stickers.
Hope you noticed.
She said, if you get a new laptop, you'll have to buy a new sticker.
Well, that's fair.
Okay.
First one's free.
The first taste is free, as with any good dealer.
I can still get you a deal.
It's okay.
So yeah, you guys remember what happened last time?
We found some dinosaurs.
Yeah, we did.
And rode some dinosaurs.
I always forget.
This is, well, not surprising to anyone, probably who's ever listened to us before,
but, and then I look back at my notes and I'm like, oh yeah, we found dinosaurs
and rode them and became friends with them.
And it was amazing.
I turned into a dire wolf.
Yeah, you did.
You're a winter wolf.
Freezing wrath.
That was so good.
Anytime I turn into something though, the fight is over in like two more turns.
Yeah.
I think just keep doing it though.
And then you'll come into a fight where you actually get to like do that for a long time.
Maybe I'll turn into one like at the very beginning.
Like, oh, we fighting?
Like, what's that?
A noise in the woods?
Bam.
And then Russell will be like, it's a squirrel.
I catch the squirrel and I eat it.
The squirrel was actually the savior of the universe, so we're all doomed.
Yes, dinosaur riding, freeing other dinosaurs, and then shenanigans?
Yeah.
And then you came, you came upon the city of Luskin, which was your destination
since episode seven.
Success!
Yay, we're back!
We made it, you guys.
We made it.
So you exit the forest, and it's around dusk.
You exit the forest and you gaze upon what is the mouth of the river Marar,
which splits the city of Luskin into two sections.
North and a south.
They have a huge map on this TV here.
It's amazing.
I'll post a picture to the Patreon because, yeah.
On like the world's biggest TV right now.
It's a curved screen, I just realized.
This is the fanciest place I've ever been.
Like the sound bars.
This is insane.
What?
They're even behind us?
So you come upon the city of Luskin.
Sorry, Russ.
It's okay.
Russ is like, we're going to get two episodes out of this.
Sure we are.
Russ is remembering why you guys moved to Korea.
Now we're moving to Alberta maybe, so.
You're mobile.
It's true.
Perfect.
I'll see you there.
Excellent.
So you come upon the city of Luskin, which splits into two sections, the north
and the south.
And right in the middle stands the impressive host tower of the Arcane Brotherhood.
The tower, as you look upon it, resembles a tree with what now has three complete limbs
or spires.
And you can see growth of the fourth limb nearing completion, which the fourth limb
was where Aruthatar attacked and stole a bunch of books which you helped recover
fighting in his lair.
With my bag of holding.
Episode 7?
Why was this so long ago, you guys?
Six was your battle with Aruthatar.
I think almost every episode since then I've tried to use my bag of holding
and it goes, nope, you can't.
That's where I picked up those sweet ice cream eggs and then didn't use them
in the last 20 episodes.
Whoops.
The remainder of Luskin's makeup of buildings is no larger than two or three stories
in general.
There is another feature, however, that catches your eye as you approach the city
and it's to the north side of the city.
You see a small sized airship hovering above a section in the city, which you know
is in approximately the same area that is used by the dwarves in Luskin for storage
of dwarven weaponry and artifacts from Mithra Hall and Mirabar.
What do you want to do?
Do you want an aircraft?
I know, this is like...
While I'm here?
We have been trying for four years in real life, one year in game, to get
back here to find Makkoth and find out if the Arcane Brotherhood is going to help us,
but that airship sounds pretty dope.
Did Tabby bring it?
Is this a something that exists in this world?
You know that airships exist in the world and it's about dusk so it's getting pretty dark
so you can't see any noticeable markings on it that would tell you if it's part of a group
or anything like that.
Also, I love that I'm amazed at the airship.
We saw a fucking flying castle that was driven by a freaking giant.
This is true.
And we actually rode on it and crashed in it.
But like airships!
Whoa!
And trains?
Are there trains in this world?
I don't think so.
I've never been on one.
So you guys have been traveling all day down the river and fighting dinosaurs.
And you're in dusk.
Can I have all my hip points back?
We sleep up high and then you do?
This is the racist city, right?
Yeah, you were told by Macoth that other races other than humans,
which is mostly what makes up the bulk of Luskan,
look down upon most other races,
which is why you were avoided to perhaps deter it for now.
You were told by Leon and Glory Gem, however, in Mirabar
that they get in there fine all the time
and, you know, it's a rough city, but generally they have no problems.
Where's my horse?
Yeah, what about our horses?
You left your horses tied up in the trees outside of Little Rock.
Oh, God, that was...
I believe that Tiny probably wrestled himself and then helped Clip Clop get free and...
Buttercup?
I mean, where's my horse? I love it so much.
Of course I can't remember.
Okay, Little Rock, so that's a whole different place.
So yeah, probably like sleep overnight.
And remember, Little Rock was more than three and a half weeks ago
based on your time jump to Eden.
Well, I'm sure they got free.
In game, Russ told me last time,
we had been gone from Luskan for five or six weeks.
Do you remember saying that?
Well, yeah, based on...
In game, Russ told me.
You can say all sorts of shit.
You have the cred now. Look at all those notes.
From the day you arrived in Luskan after you fought Arithator,
which was in episode seven, you arrived.
From your travel to Little Rock, your dealings in Little Rock,
and then your travel to Mirabar, and then your subsequent time loss,
having traveled through the portal to Eden,
part of the Bros and Dragons podcast.
Check them out on our friends of page at dumbdragons.com.
Because they're great, too.
That was smooth.
And then travel back, it's been about that five to six week period
that you've been gone.
I say we just go straight to the host tower of the arcane.
Yeah, I mean, that's where...
We've put that off long enough, right?
I think we have. I mean, the ship is cool and whatever,
but apparently those...
Do what needs to be done. I want my bag of holding.
I want some answers.
Okay.
So you come up to the city,
and you come in on the south side of the river there,
passing by these stables, which are by the bridge there.
I thought you said staples,
and I was like, do we need office supplies?
That was easy.
But no, you pass by these stables,
where they keep horses.
Where we see...
You pass by, and you hear a call to you that says,
hey, you guys, where are my horses?
There's a short, disgruntled human male
who comes running out into the streets to you,
waving his finger, saying, where are my horses?
You're too far. I can't hear you.
He's right in front of you now.
I thought we were on the river.
How does he run out into the river?
We don't have a boat at this point anymore.
When did we get off the boat?
I think the dinosaurs sunk in.
Yeah, the dinosaurs sunk in.
You tried to fix it,
but then determined fighting was probably better.
Sorry, I thought when you said you come by the river,
I was like, we're still on boat.
No, you're on the south side of the river,
so walking along the trail to the south into the city there,
and you walk directly by the stables.
Right, where it says stables on the map.
I got you.
It's the first time we've had a cool map.
Where are my horses?
They're being well cared for at Little Rock.
Calm yourself, little man.
You were supposed to be back in just a few days, you told me.
We got transported to another dimension, calm down.
With my horses?
No, your horses are in Little Rock and they're fine.
I keep walking.
I also keep walking.
I'm just innocently whistling as we walk by.
He says, well, you guys owe me horses,
and I'm going to find someone who's going to come
and get my horses back from you.
And then he storms off.
Send them to Little Rock.
Where are the horses?
Don't know how many times we can tell you the same information.
Character voices are hard when we're all like right here.
Yeah.
Hold on, hold on, I just need to get breathy.
Whoa, messy.
Don't look at me.
So you guys passing along the bank?
Just straight into the tower?
We have a goal, we have a mission, apparently.
So you've got purpose to our walk.
There's a straight lane that cuts through right along the river,
and you follow that right to the market in Little Rock.
And it's dying down, but there's still market things happening.
There are a bunch of humans,
human males and females kind of about just kind of buying things,
foodwares and clothes and that sort of thing.
It's not foodware.
It's a different city, so you don't know.
No.
It's fashion.
It's food. It's foodware.
It's cheesecloth foodware.
Little Caesar's now offers the stuff crap.
Foodwares.
I'll eat the middle of the pizza,
leave the ring weird around my head like some sort of wreath of cheesy goodness.
But you pass through the market,
and you notice that people kind of look at you,
some with a little bit of disdain at your group,
some with a little bit of hatred,
and then they kind of just keep going.
Nobody seems to be starting anything with you, though.
And you come to the bridge,
which is to cross over to Kurth
and then pass through to the host tower of the arcane
with no issues.
And you go up to the door,
and it is locked.
I knock on the door.
And you wait for a little while,
but nobody seems to come to the door.
I unlock the door with my thieves' tools.
Whoa, this is a bold move for me.
Nat 20.
And that's Amy's only good roll of the episode.
It's done. I peaked, you guys.
You quite easily pull out your thieves' tools
and enter the building.
Turns out it was actually a push.
A door, and we were trying to pull it open.
A push door, yeah.
Thieves' tools just told you that you should push it.
But you unlock it,
and you walk in, and there are no torches lit inside.
There's no light of any sort.
You go into the main entrance area,
and the door slams shut behind you.
And you take a few steps forward,
and you come face to face with an invisible horse field.
Sounds about right.
God, Jesus, fuck!
And a sound begins blaring in the building.
It's music.
They have a damn party.
It's everywhere right now, you guys.
I've never heard that before.
Wow, welcome back to Canada.
You'll be sick of it soon.
Yeah, an alarm begins blaring through the building.
And you hear beyond another door,
which is just a little bit of ways ahead of you.
And you hear footsteps.
Sounds like armor-clad people running forward,
and they open the door, and there are two guards,
and one man dressed in very nice robes.
Foodwares.
I yell out, we knocked!
I mean, we did.
We did.
It's factually correct.
We rolled the tape back, or else we knocked.
You did not, yeah.
And the man speaks up, and he says,
Who are you, and why are you here?
This is...
I don't know what the who are you question is.
Always, always.
This is a question we can never answer,
even though we've been playing this for how long?
We are the guy.
You really gotta come up with a name.
We really do.
Clearly, we were not expecting you.
Where's MacArthur?
Where's my bag of holding?
How do you know MacArthur?
We delivered her to you.
You delivered her, didn't you?
And then you broke into the host tower after hours.
We knocked!
Also, we delivered her, like, seven weeks ago?
Yeah.
Well, whoever delivered her was supposed to be back many, many weeks ago.
Yeah, we know!
Presumed dead!
Hold, please.
I will be right back.
Presumed dead?
It's been six weeks.
Apparently, if you leave for a long time, you automatically die.
Presumed dead.
Good day to you.
It's been like a week.
They're probably dead, right?
Probably dead.
Yeah, probably dead.
She spent some time with us.
He storms out, and you are left in the room
with the two armor-clad guards who are each holding.
Has the alarm turned off?
Or is it like,
The alarm has ceased now that he's walked out.
Alright.
You are still, what you can tell, in the force-fielded area.
I flirt with the guards.
I make pleasant small talk with them, soldier to soldier.
I glare at them rudely.
Well, let's RP some of this out.
What do you do?
No, that was the pleasant small talk.
Pleasant small talk.
I don't make eye contact and say like,
How about the weather?
And then I just turn around.
I drag my finger up and down the force-field and go,
So, which one of you big men controls this?
Makes a constitution save throw.
Constitution?
It's a seven plus three.
It's the force-field.
I was like, what are they doing?
They're gonna zap?
Burdens!
You take two electrical damage.
God damn!
And he just kind of glares at you and he says,
We do not talk to thieves.
You just did.
Well, technically she's a druid, so.
Are they humans?
They're humans, yes.
Just kidding.
Doesn't change any approach.
You try.
I don't think they like my elfishness.
Oh, that's true.
Could be.
They just don't like elves.
Don't worry.
Flirt with them.
No, I'm definitely not going to do that.
I want to see what Nulara floating would be like,
You play sports?
Not even, like not even that subtle.
I'd be like, you, me.
We're gonna.
Let me drop this force-field.
You drop that force-field, I'll drop my pants.
Good trade.
It's a good trade.
Good.
So you guys just kind of stand there awkwardly staring at these guards.
Okay, you hear from.
You hear from beyond the door the same man saying.
And they say that they saved you and that they brought you back here
and they figured that those people were gone by now.
And Macoth and the gentleman in robes come back into the room
and she says, oh, shut up, Wilfred.
I'm sorry.
And she snaps her fingers and the field drops around you.
And says, these are the people who saved me.
Welcome, my friends.
Where have you been?
It's been weeks since I expected you to return.
So much has happened.
And we relay all the things that happened to her.
Yes, you do.
In very specific point order form.
And we're done with our recap.
Excellent, going forward now.
And what happened?
I'm sorry I didn't catch that.
We don't have to spell it out for you.
You don't have to go pee.
What a convenient excuse.
Gonna have to remember that one for later.
Oh, hold on, guys.
Gotta go get some more water.
There are three bathrooms in here, so you guys are done.
Our whole adventuring party's gonna be in the bathroom.
Every time Russ asks us a question.
I do have all my notes.
We left with the guy.
Maybe his name started with an L, can't remember.
To help his family.
And then we fought the creepy child ghost thing.
The Onis.
Thank you.
This is a really compelling story we're telling.
We're just point forming.
Yeah, exactly.
Then we teleported?
No.
Then we went to...
Where were we just?
Mirror Bar.
We went to Mirror Bar.
Threw some chickens at a dragon.
Yeah, a dragon showed up.
Got teleported to a different place.
Flynn has a guy in his head.
Came back.
Fought the...
Brains in jars.
Crimsbane.
And he's still up there.
Doing some evil shit if you listen to the end of that one episode.
It didn't.
I heard it.
I was like, whoa, where did this come from?
There's like an extra special bonus.
I should really catch up.
But character knowledge, player knowledge.
Yesterday we fought some...
Not even yesterday.
Earlier today we fought some dinosaurs.
Now we're back, we're here.
Well, we saved the dinosaurs, yeah.
Well, you have had a fantastic journey.
What have you been doing?
What's up with you?
Well, I've convinced the Arcane Brotherhood that your cause was worthy, but then you disappeared.
So I'm going to have to revisit that with them.
They did seem willing to lend their efforts to help you in your fight against the Cult of the Dragon.
It shouldn't take long knowing that you've come back now, but there seems to be some issues that you need to address, so come with me.
And she leads you into...
Yeah, there's always issues with us.
Be more specific.
She leads you into the main building and it opens up into a grand entrance area with stairways leading to all different spires.
Are they like the stairways at Hogwarts?
I'm just thinking that.
This is like our second JK Rowling.
We're already stealing intellectual property.
What's up, JK?
Tweet at me.
They look exactly like that, changing one minor thing to make sure that the copyrights are legit.
They're actually made out of wood.
Same exact music that plays, just like a key difference.
One note variance.
And she says, you say you teleported to another world, and you have somebody in your head?
Yes.
How did that come to be?
Well...
We were trying to make our way back to Fate Rune.
And then you chopped my head off, you hear in your head.
From Eden, I do believe it was called.
They don't hear.
We had to make a sacrifice.
One of the adventurers we were adventuring with chopped someone's head off, unexpectedly.
It wasn't us.
And I got stuck with Bort in my head.
And you got that cool electricity breath.
You got that cool lightning breath now.
And then you hear in your head, Flint, you mean we're best buddies, right?
Not stuck in your head. You mean we're best buddies.
We're cool, but we both know you're stuck in my head.
You just hear him talking to himself.
We're probably used to him by this point.
It's really just a mutter under my breath.
She says, well, it's been a while since we've had to deal with two souls in one body,
and we do know ways to separate that.
I'll look into that further.
If that's what you desire, or if you wish to keep your lightning breath.
Let me check with Bort.
What's up, Bort?
Are you cool with separating, or do you want to stick around?
I'd like to be gone.
Yeah, that's fair.
So she says, I will gladly look into that for you.
That'd be great.
And she leads you into what you can assume is her chambers,
and she reaches to her table and hands you, Thea, your bag of holding.
I go, ha, ha, ha.
Clutch it tightly.
You cannot put it into your equipment, or unless you've already had it there.
You put it on the ground, kind of climb in a little bit.
It's all just been for a bit the whole time.
That's the only reason she wants it.
So you're in front of a cough. What do you need?
What can we do to help you convince the Arcane Brotherhood to help us?
I mean, seriously, we've been gone for six weeks.
It's not that long.
I know there's trains in this world, but there's...
But that's about all I know.
I don't even know that.
That's like the most rapid transit that exists.
I don't know how fast you expected us to get back.
That's why there are airships.
Oh, there's no way there's airships in this world.
No. We'll get to the airship.
Don't you worry.
She says, well, we were expecting you within a few days, as you had originally entailed.
And in the time of much trouble, since you've been gone,
there have been many things that have been popping up with the Cult of the Dragon.
And we figured you might have gotten wrapped up in one of those,
and perhaps something had happened to you, as nobody had heard from you,
from any of our mutual allies.
But you did have a super sweet vision about the Cult of the Dragon.
Did I?
I think so. Didn't you?
Yeah. In a kitchen.
I remember you super really specific, not helpful information.
No, this was...
It was after I got the book, and there was all sorts of stuff about like...
Oh, about you guys running into that building and stuff?
I went to a different kitchen.
I'm alone in a burning city watching myself.
Seems like a memory, but not one I can recall.
This is super point form.
Your notes are really good, by the way.
Yeah, but listen, this literally is a note here that's like,
ask Ross what the thing...
Because it was like a poem and all this stuff, and I couldn't write it down fast enough.
I meant more so the vision where it was like the cult gaining in strength.
Oh god, did I have two visions?
Or whatever, and everything looked a little bit darker, or whatever it was.
We both just felt that something in the world, the energy, something shifted.
That's what I meant.
As soon as you came back through the portal, you felt like a shift in the end.
But yeah, that other vision totally happened too.
And she was in the kitchen.
With Diana.
And she says you have...
We were in a tunnel.
And she says you...
We were in the tunnel.
Shit.
It wasn't when you were in the tunnel.
Yes, no, I had alligators.
Was there like a hot plate in the tunnel and Amy just got confused?
Maybe.
It was the tunnel with all the snack machines and stuff where soldiers would get their snacks.
That was nicknamed the kitchen.
So it's basically the kitchen.
And they weren't trying to break down the wall, they were just trying to get their snacks.
I see.
Totally makes sense.
I can relate to that.
Of course.
You have visions, do you?
How long have those been going on for?
Hey there, popcorn.
Did you just put eight in your mouth?
Answer the question now.
Yes.
I thought you were taking a break.
No, you already started it back up.
It's no break.
So sneaky.
No, one of those servants had brought in an appetizer platter, right?
Yeah, obviously, yeah.
Snappies.
You're Chicago-style popcorn, my lady.
I knew Lauren was just having food in her mouth.
Is this filo pastry?
This is delicious.
Look at the little spanic openers.
Kind of always.
Like, as long as the Cult of the Dragon's been active, I've been seeing glowing dragon eyes in my dreams.
This one was a bit different, though.
It was very explicitly seemed like I was seeing the future.
Looked bad.
Looked pretty bad.
Sounds like it.
Your powers, I feel, might be stronger than you know.
I feel like you tried to tell me this before.
I brushed you off.
You certainly did.
One hundred percent, that's what happened.
Huh, neat.
Kind of a dick move.
Anyway, so my flaming sword.
Once you're done on your journey, you may want to come visit us and look into those more.
I won't stop you now.
Note.
Literally.
Eighteen million years from now when we're done.
Is this going to be one of those notes that we like totally specifically ask about and then completely forget?
Odds are.
I normally have a different colored pen to make note of important things.
I don't have that.
Sorry.
Nothing that's getting me down.
You want stationary supplies?
I got stationary supplies.
At your back.
And she goes on to say that the higher ups here at the Arcane Brotherhood will not be back or ready to speak until tomorrow morning.
Well, are they what?
Not ready to speak?
Are they not back?
Are they gone?
Are they here?
They will not be speaking to anybody.
Meetings adjourned for the day.
Five p.m.
They have regular hours to keep bankers hours, you know.
Is this like one of those silent retreats where they just like don't talk for days at a time?
Hard knock life.
But they will return in the morning and I can discuss with them your return and helping along the way.
There are many places where you can be put up within the city of Luskin through the night.
One thing I should mention, though, is you might have seen the airship.
I feel like that's for you.
There's a disgruntled old man who says he was sent by the Guild of the Nine Shadows and he hasn't left in weeks.
Is it Salazar?
It's not the name he gave me.
Did you happen to fight someone with him and then at the last minute he just like killed them when you did all the damage?
No.
There was no fighting.
But he says he's not to leave until he reconnects with you three.
And even though it was presumed that you were dead or presently otherwise occupied, he has just been hovering above the city.
How long has he been there for?
Weeks.
So he's going to be super happy that we finally showed up.
Yeah.
Let's go see this guy.
What name did he give you?
The name?
Grancis?
Grancis, I believe, was his name.
That sounds like that sounds made up.
This is what I thought.
This is why I was concerned with him hovering above the city.
But we have allowed him to stay over in the Dwarven area.
I take your narrative and I spit on it.
Sounds like a fake name.
Grancis.
George.
George Glass.
It's Jan's fake boyfriend on the Brady Bunch.
Of course.
Thanks, Dom.
Thanks for that super topical reference.
That's current.
That's a current reference.
Right?
Before any of us were even alive.
That's correct.
Is that what you were watching today?
I'll know that forever.
No.
I was watching the Little League World Series.
Thank you very much.
Because I had nothing to do until Carla showed up.
Thank God she was early.
So if you could help me get out of the city, that would be super great.
But yes, if there's anything else you require from us, I will look into the removal of the soul a little bit more before you return tomorrow.
And see what we can do there.
Otherwise, all right, your visions.
Well, what period were you gone in the portal?
Like three weeks, I think.
Three weeks here time.
Yeah, but it was only like a day, wasn't it, or something, in the portal?
Time was different there.
During that time, there have been rumors that the Red Wizards of Bay have been amassing for the Cult of the Dragons.
We don't know where, but the timeline coincides with the feeling you say you received, Nularaaa and Thea, with the change from good to evil.
So they may be working towards the next step in opening the dimensional barrier between the nine hells and here to return Tiamat.
Return Tiamat to the world.
How many hands?
Nine.
We should probably stop that.
Agreed.
That is what you know you've been fighting for, yes?
Yes.
Good.
Just making sure we're all on the same page.
Let's go see Granson.
Grancis.
Let's go see him.
Let's get out of their hair.
We'll talk in the morning.
Of course.
Unless we get whisked away on this ship.
Ever think of that?
Like, oh, what if we don't come back for like seven more weeks?
He's been here for three weeks.
Whatever he's here for must not be a huge urgency.
Well, someone just said that.
At least someone was happy that we were going to come back at some point.
Alright, so we want to run over to the airship?
Yeah.
So you head back out and back through the city.
You pass across, there's a bridge right at the market there, passing to the north side of the city, which is where you see the airship hovering.
As you get closer, you see an insignia on it.
Tell me what that insignia is.
Oh, God.
It's not a unicorn pointing left.
It's not something you've seen before.
Okay, God, I was like, I have to go back through one year's worth of notes to find the insignia.
It's a...
It's one of those ink blots I couldn't...
It's open to interpretation.
It's actually a magic eye puzzle that you can't see what's in there because it's broken.
But then once you do see it, though, you cannot see it.
Okay, fair enough.
True.
And what we see in the magic eye puzzle is...
There's no right or wrong answer.
A big eye.
Just tell me what you see.
Just one eye.
It's very meta.
Big eye.
Eye.
In the magic eye.
You see a magic ink blot eye in the eye.
I saw Amy drop popcorn, that was pretty great.
Three pieces.
It was like they exploded out of your hands.
So what did you see?
I got excited.
You saw a magic eye?
A big eye.
Yeah, just a single eye.
So the letter eye?
So there's a symbolism we can throw in there.
A line with a dot over it.
Me a capital I, come on.
You see the symbol, a large single eye, and you know that that is the symbol of the Guild of the Nine Shadows.
You saw it.
The Guild of the Nine Shadows.
Are you sure there was no wrong answers?
There was no wrong answers.
No wrong answers.
So you know that having, you know, McAuth having told you that Grants has said he was sent by the Guild of the Nine Shadows.
You can call him whatever you want when you get on board as long as he doesn't fight you for it.
I will, it's gonna be granny.
Now seeing the symbol, which you said you, which you have seen around your time with the Guild of the Nine Shadows,
you know that this airship should in theory be sent from Salazar or someone else at the Guild.
And you pass through the city and you walk by the Red Dragon Trading Post,
which is the largest building on the north side of the city.
And there is a ruckus activity happening out there.
There's people getting in like fistfights.
It looks like there's drinking and partying.
Is there cavorting?
There's cavorting, all the cavorting.
It looks like perhaps a group has just returned from a caravan transport or something.
Remember our days caravan from long ago.
But you walk closer to where the airship is and you come to a large gate that is guarded by one dwarf.
And he says, what's your business here?
What's your business here?
My business is to protect all this business.
What's your business here?
My business is to be up in your business.
I was super hoping he was just going to repeat everything and send back to him again.
And I was like.
He started talking.
That's fair.
We are here.
We need a name.
We need a fuck.
We are the three.
So original.
It seems like very presumptuous.
We are the three.
Pals.
We are the three best friends ever.
I'm bored the whole time.
Four.
Four digits.
God damn it.
What's your business here?
I think your business is waiting for us.
That's what we heard.
I don't know who you are.
Who are you waiting for?
I'm not waiting for anybody.
I'm here guarding all the dwarven stuff that we've got back here.
Now, what are you doing here?
I'm here to see a man on an airship.
Trying to get to that airship.
Oh, you're here with the airship.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
We heard that the person with the airship was looking for us.
All right.
We don't have anything better to do.
Good.
We don't have a name for our group.
Maybe that means he'll be like, Benny!
Benny, get over here!
And another dwarf in armor walks up to the gate.
Is his name Benny?
Benny.
Ah, too bad.
He's just doing a lot of stretches.
More of a Gumby figure.
Can you take these guys to the airship?
Maybe he'll leave after that, okay?
And he opens the gate and leads you guys to the airship.
So you're walking through all of these storage buildings back to the airship.
And you get to it.
And he calls up and he says, Grancis!
Some people are here for you!
And we hear some scuffling about.
Man, he pokes his head over the edge.
And it's a human male, balding.
Picard-style balding, but with hair solid here.
Oh!
That was unexpected.
And he says, Oh!
You guys are back!
It's been weeks!
I can't believe you're here!
Is it very super light?
That came up in reference one time and now he's going to work him in?
And he runs back into the airship and then you see a ladder just fly over the edge.
He says, Come on up!
Okay.
They go first because I'm slow on ladders, because I'm tiny.
Maybe you go first and we push up.
Your little dwarf bomb.
Come on down!
It's a little hot, like he can't reach, it's not all the way.
I need a little boost.
Do a little one of these.
You climb in and you see him kind of frantically running about the airship,
flipping knobs and turning things and saying, It's time to go!
Oh! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
I've been waiting here for weeks!
What do you mean we can't go?
No.
Who are you?
I'm Grancis.
Ugh.
Is it like a dirgeable or is it like a flying ship?
Is it blue?
Or is it like a ship?
It's like a zephyr.
It's like a ship with a large balloon covering it in the air.
So like Stardust style?
More so.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
Grancis.
Who sent you?
Obviously.
Brotherhood.
Why?
Brotherhood?
Who's the brotherhood?
Guild.
Guild of the Brothers.
Are you who you say you are?
Yes, but it's been a long travel day.
Somebody else talk.
See ya!
He holds up kind of like a torchlight to your face.
Alright.
Even though he's never met you.
I would hope that he would hold up like a pencil sketching of you and be like,
Well, I didn't really nail your eyes, but the rest is theirs.
If I covered the nose, it would look like you.
Salazar sent me a while ago.
You disappeared, so he sent me to your last known location.
And I got word from him a little while ago that you showed back up in Mirabar with
some portal shit happening.
But he told me to wait here because he knew you'd be coming back above this
ring.
So we're here.
Let's go.
Nope.
Okay, first off, where do you want us to go?
We've got to go down the Serpent Hills area.
They're Wormspeaker, White Mountain.
So like option two that you gave us like way back when?
We've got to get there quick.
Well, you've been waiting for three weeks.
We have some business.
We have an appointment at 9 a.m.
Yes.
That's true.
That we are seven weeks late.
Well, it's good they could sneak you in so quickly then, I guess.
I hear they're all booked up.
There was a cancellation.
Yeah.
Fair enough.
I mean, the system around here is just overbooked with people waiting.
All right.
So you're going to stay the night then?
Yes.
Cool down.
Relax.
Okay.
Good.
Somewhere we can sleep here?
Yeah, I guess.
You okay, buddy?
We really took a wind on his side.
I know.
Hey, when we go back, can we fly over the little rock?
That's kind of in the other direction there, but I guess.
We should get our horses, you guys.
Can the horses come on the airship?
One is gigantic.
We are going to fly over these horses and they're just going to be two small pony bodies
and a giant horse body just skeletonized.
Yes, if they're still there, they're not alive.
My horse might be eating your horses.
It's entirely possible.
I assume they chewed free of their ropes and are now living as free horses.
Anyway.
The rest is looking thrilled.
Maybe we can pick up our horses.
Horses.
Yeah, we can probably fit some horses in here.
What if the horses chewed their way free and have teamed up with the dinosaurs we freed
and are now like totally kicking ass somewhere?
That sounds nice.
We don't have a good life for horses, I feel like.
I feel like we should maybe go return that one.
Oh, I care about that guy.
Who's that guy?
I don't even remember that guy.
Just don't say anything.
I never remember anything.
We've written something down.
I'm going to punish us later for this.
No, I'm just going to write that I'm going to release a bloopers episode as a Patreon
bonus content on this one.
Because it's going to be longer than that.
The next actual episode is going to be so delayed because Russ is going to have to
comb through this garbage.
It's solid gold.
Solid gold.
Yeah, that's what I meant.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that's what I said.
Also, there's totally cheesecakes in that fridge upstairs.
Yeah, true.
Yeah, but we figure out what you're doing for the night.
We're bunking here.
Okay.
Do we trust Grancis?
I like to pretend he has a fake name.
Grancis.
I even keep writing it in quotes.
I don't know why.
Is he who he says he is?
This would be my concern.
Grancis?
He really wants to leave.
We don't know this dude exactly.
He's just going to take off with us in the airship.
I think we could just set up camp below the airship.
For sure.
Let's do that.
We don't mind sleeping outdoors.
What if we just tied the airship to a tree and then forgot about it for seven weeks?
What if we tied him up in the airship and then forgot about him for seven weeks?
Oh.
And threw him in the convenience store.
There's a river right there.
Are we talking about this in front of him?
Yeah, I'm assuming so.
I don't like you guys.
I'm pretty sure we do a lot of our talking just in front of people.
Not just out of character.
So you're staying here?
What are you doing?
We can go see your horses or whatever and have fun.
Sure.
Whatever.
Hey Grancis.
Thanks for waiting for us.
We appreciate it.
We're going to camp underneath the ship.
You can't camp down there.
I tried already.
Says who?
Says the dwarves?
Says the dwarves.
They say you can't camp anywhere.
Let me go talk to those dwarves.
Alright, they got sensitive materials and stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine.
Alright.
He's got a belt.
I got a belt.
It's fine.
There's things and stuff, but whatever.
You guys camp.
Alright, see you later then.
So I shimmy back down that ladder.
You guys coming with?
Sure.
Excellent.
Well, maybe we stay up here and let him do some talking first.
Like some dwarf to dwarf talking.
Yeah.
Little D to D.
But I'm sure that's not what that means.
That's totally pretty sure that's what that is.
So I go and talk to whatever the dwarf, I don't remember his name.
Did he have a name?
Bendy?
Is that the letter there?
Bendy.
Sure, Bendy.
Alright, I go talk to...
I definitely get the D to D.
Right?
I go talk to...
I go talk to Bendy.
Oh, and I want to see about the camping situation nearby.
Russ is never going to hang out with us.
Russ, this is killing Russ.
We are killing Russ.
You guys are much more restrained when we're on the Skype call.
We're not full of sugar.
It's true.
It's my fault, it's my fault.
So yeah, Bendy is waiting down at the bottom there for you.
Alright.
Bendy, are we able to camp down here?
No, no, we got to...
It's very...
No.
Okay, why not?
Because I mean we've got stuff here that we're trying to guard and we don't want
to know you, so...
Come on, you know us.
We're not down here.
Stop trying to make it happen.
I'm going to roll a persuasion check.
Oh my god, dice.
I know, right?
It's been so long since Amy rolled that nat 20.
It was glorious.
I got into that building.
Okay.
Don't have my belt stats written down here.
I think it just gives me...
I'm pretty sure it just adds...
Belt of Dwarven Kind.
Your constitution score is increased by 2 to a maximum of 20.
You have advantage on Charisma, Persuasion, so you have advantage.
Excellent.
So I can roll again.
Perfect.
That's even better.
So that is 16 on my persuasion.
We got a minus one.
I'm not very charismatic, but that belt really helps when talking to Dwarves.
Dwarves really like you.
Yeah.
It says, you can't, but if they find out that I let you, I could get in some
trouble, man.
I mean...
Well, you guys have someone guarding it at all times, right?
Yeah, but they don't like people just loitering about.
They let him stay because he had some sort of pass or something like that from some
higher up guy.
I don't want to get into who had a pass to do what, because that's been a hot
button topic in the news lately.
The crazy Nazis in Charlottetville were apparently okay because they had a pass.
They had like a permit to be there.
I mean, he had like a...
I agree with that.
Yeah.
I mean, he had like some regulation from, you know, some higher up guy.
Not a pass.
Anyway, that's why we've let him stay here.
But I'd have to check with my boss.
I don't know.
I'd let you stay if it was me.
Is there an inn somewhere?
I don't know why you guys like...
I just wanted someone to roll.
I'm bored of all of this.
Let's go to an inn.
Get an inn recommendation.
Grantson-sis?
No, this is Bendy.
Grantson-sis?
What are you talking about?
Oh, I'm not down there with you.
Okay, that's better.
Yeah, that's right.
I yelled down to you.
Oh, okay.
To ask Bendy.
Exactly.
I put my hand to my mouth.
Is there a good inn around here?
Yeah, I mean, I recommend staying at the Cutlass.
It's probably the best one in the area.
It's busy, but they probably have a room for you at the very least.
How come it's not on the...
Oh, no, it is.
So far.
Oh, it's just way across town.
Jeez, nothing closer?
It'll be fine.
I mean, you can stay at the Red Dragon Trading Post, but they're going to try and like
sign you up for jobs and stuff.
There you are.
At least, you know, you got good...
And besides, we'll be right close to the Host Tower of the Arcane, so it's fine.
It's totally fine.
Let's go.
Yep, found an inn, guys.
And he gives you rough directions on how to get there, and you make your way to
the Cutlass.
And it is a large building, probably a three-story building, so large for the
area.
And you go in, and it is busy.
It is wall-to-wall.
People are drinking and cavorting and having just a gay old time.
There are...
A lot of D2D happening.
No.
Majority of them are humans, and you open the door, and it's almost like
everything kind of stops for a second, and everybody looks over at you.
Just for an uncomfortable beat.
So it's like we walked into a diner in a small town.
Yeah.
And then the music kicks back up again, and everybody goes back about their
business as you walk in.
I mean, a dwarf sent us here.
A dwarf that didn't like us that much, so I guess.
I mean, story checks out.
Oh, great.
Time for some awkward small talk with some NPCs.
We're excellent at this.
Hey there.
This is Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thank you for joining us for the mega episode 21 of Dumbgeons and Dragons
titled Reunited in Luskin, and it feels so good.
This really is the first episode that we've played in person in over a year.
And now that Amy and I are back in Canada, we wanted just to make sure
that we did at least one session before we head off to wherever we go to next.
We had a ton of fun recording and being super awkward in front of each other
as we tried to do all our character voices, and we hope you're enjoying it too.
Again, sorry for the snacks.
Unavoidable when you're playing D&D.
It is pretty long as it is, but if you want to hear even more goofs
that were cut out from the main feed episode, you can join us on Patreon.
Over there we've released an extended cut that has some more outtakes
and bloopers that we left into the show.
You can have access to that episode and all other bonus content
we release on Patreon, including our dungeon side-scroller episodes
right now DM'd by Tom Laird.
It's a super fun show that if you haven't heard you can get a taste of
with the first episode.
It's just a couple back in your feed here on the main D&D feed.
When you're a patron, there's a whole bunch of different rewards you can receive
including a special holiday card from us to you,
thanking you for supporting us and the show.
And we do have higher tiers that have more rewards including episode dedications,
contributing to future Q&A episodes,
and having an NPC named after you or in the name of your choosing.
We hope to see you over on our Patreon page,
Patreon.com slash DumbDragonCast.
Our next episode will be out September 27th
and we'll be back to the normal sound of the show,
continuing the trail to stop the cult of the dragon.
More downtime coming your way with the back half of this episode.
Trust me, it gets even more awkward.
I didn't think it was possible, but it does.
Have a great couple of weeks and we'll chat with you soon.
We approached the bar.
Sure.
Can we get there if I have to elbow my way in?
Because I love that.
I'm real pushy.
I'm like, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me.
And I'm touching people as I walk by.
Excuse me, pardon me.
As you're handsing your way through the crowd,
you find your way to the bar.
And there is a male holder standing at the bar and says,
what can I get you?
Room for the night.
They're talking because I'm the human.
Of course, yeah, room for the night.
I would run you a few gold for the night.
Just the three of you.
Yeah, and a round of ale for my friends.
Yeah, absolutely. Where are you guys from?
As he goes to pour.
Seems like that's not any of your business.
You are very standoffish.
I'm an asshole.
I got very rude.
I liked that. That was character.
All right, yeah, not any of that. Fair enough.
I'm looking forward and I put the gold on the bar
and I say, around, general.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Because I can't remember.
Like the woods.
That's where I'm from.
The woods. Maybe you've heard of it.
Can we get dinner as well?
Yeah, we've got some lamb.
That's, yeah, it's good.
That sounds great. We'll take three.
All right, all right, no, no more.
I mean, I'm an older gentleman, but we'll get you three.
Yeah, it's all good.
And he, if that's all you need, I'll go about my business.
Scared him.
Oh yeah, he did not like that wink.
Well, I mean, you guys told him
he didn't want to tell him where you're from, so.
Is it around? I don't know what to say.
I can't remember the names of the cities.
So he finished filling up your beers
and hands them to you and says, well, make yourselves at home.
Here's your room key.
It's third floor, room seven.
Thank you.
You have your beers and you look around
and yeah, it's a bustling, loud bar.
There are plenty of humans.
There are a couple of dwarves,
a couple of half-orc type humanoids in there
who are just doing their business.
Is there a bathroom in this place?
Is there somewhere we can sit?
It's a skewer.
I mean, they've planned for it.
It is finger food.
They know it's busy.
I just imagine standing with our skewer and our beer
just like awkwardly in the middle of the crowd.
It's like Carla in real life at every wedding.
Instead of skewers, there are mini cutlasses.
Because it's the cutlass.
We hover by a booth
because these people kind of look like they're done eating.
They're settling up how much each one should pay
and we're just loitering close by.
And you've already done the mental math real fast for them.
They don't know.
Can't really say anything though.
It's 12.70.
And so you go stand by a booth.
You said there was somewhere to sit.
Why don't you go stand by a booth?
We were creating a world of fantasy.
We were creating a world of awkward fantasy life
that happens to us in real life.
We're terrible at this.
It's not a fantasy works.
I walk in and make a scene.
Right away, I'm charming.
I have exact change in my purse
and my food comes on time.
Fantasy work.
That is true.
That is better.
I wonder why I'm creating awkwardness
in my fantasy life.
You want to drag us all down with you.
So you go walk to a table that is open
and you pass by a group that consists of a couple of humans
and a dwarf and a half-orc.
And they notice you walking past and say,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, where are you from?
Where are you from?
Haven't seen you around these parts.
He really wants to know where we're from.
We're new.
You're new?
Oh, good.
What brings you through Luskin?
I like it.
What do we want to tell them?
We have a friend in the host tower up there.
So we're just, we're visiting.
And a buddy in an airship.
It's just kind of like hanging out.
You're meeting a friend in the magical fucking host tower
with somebody flying over our city for the last three weeks.
He's a harmless kind of person.
Which guy?
The host tower or the airship?
The airship.
Oh.
Well, yeah.
But he's still been eyesore.
Eyesore.
But why are you meeting at the magical place?
It just gives me the heebie-jeebies.
He says, fuck.
Well, fuck, fine.
All right.
My brain literally turned off.
She's laughing at heebie-jeebies.
How about you?
You speak better than this lady.
No.
Well, I'll be happy to try.
I haven't said a word the whole time.
You talked to the bartender.
Okay, now we can interact with humans.
Oh my god.
We can't interact with them.
If only there was some clue as to why our real life
interactions were very awkward with people.
I don't know what it is.
Oh my god.
Okay.
I'm sweating and crying.
The stare I have on my face.
So much.
It's like I caught you doing something that you're
responsible for.
At least when we were together.
I had a whole conversation in my head about like,
well, I didn't know that's how the host tower was
viewed from.
Yeah, exactly.
But it was all internal.
We are from afar.
How are you?
Kind, sir.
I'm just trying to be nice.
Solid, yeah.
I didn't say that part.
No.
Good.
Just noticed you come in and we just, you know,
like to welcome people to this fine establishment here.
That is super nice.
Isn't that nice?
Super nice.
Very nice.
Super nice.
Well, good.
What's your story?
Where are you from?
Oh, long time Luskin.
You know, we've just been working here.
Pirate ships, that sort of thing.
Oh, so your regular is at the Cutlass thing.
Yep.
You got it.
Yeah.
And, you know, we just like to make people feel welcome.
Didn't mean to make you feel awkward or anything there.
You just kind of stared off into the distance there a little bit.
Trust us, sir.
You had nothing to do with us being awkward.
Fair enough.
We've had a long travel day.
We freed some dinosaurs earlier.
Freed some dinosaurs?
Where'd you find some dinosaurs?
Upriver.
They're this far north?
Yeah, there were some gnolls.
There were gnolls.
I knew it was like a sign of a letter.
Some gnolls had captured them and brought them this far up north.
We hope that they travel further south and meet up with their wild clans and live their lives.
Hopefully it sounds dangerous to have dinosaurs in the forest.
No, they're super nice though.
Everything is cool.
Okay.
They're going to migrate back to where they're from, so it's totally cool.
Please do not go after them, or we will have to go after you.
Makes sense, makes sense.
I get it.
Hey, why don't you like the people in the host tower?
Yeah, the host tower.
Well, I mean, it just gives...
Haven't you felt it?
Like this weird...
Just got to town.
Kind of magical...
It's a 12 hour travel day and we just rolled in.
We're feeling magical weirdness all over the place though.
It's kind of difficult to...
It's been kind of a weird time.
You're right, you're right.
Yeah, no, it's a...
I mean, it's got a weird history of like liches running the building.
So they say they've cleaned it up, but you never know, right?
I mean, it's a tower that grows itself.
So how much can you trust that?
Oh man, like when he was describing it, I totally thought it was just under construction.
Yeah, me too.
I'm glad we talked to this random patron of the bar.
Absolutely.
I thought that the tree thing was growing, but not the whole thing.
Sir, what is your name?
My name is Badal.
Nice to meet you.
And your name?
Me too, Badal.
I'm Thea.
New Laura.
Flip.
Excellent.
This is my friend Ben.
There's a lot of Ben's in this town.
Apparently.
And...
Out of four people we've met, two have been named Ben or Benny.
The next one will be Benjamin.
The next one will be Benji.
Benji.
There's not that many weird names.
They just call this guy Favache.
Sorry, Favache or Bavache?
Favache.
Ben.
The bartender brings you over your meal and sets it onto the table, which is just beside the group you are talking to.
I grab one of those mini cutlasses and just chow down on some of that lamb.
I say, join us at the table.
I mean, order your own food, but sit with us.
The bartender thinks you're talking to him, and it's like...
No, yes, of course, you too.
You can join us too.
Do you have a break coming up?
Sit with us.
Is that a 15?
Maybe in a bit.
I got some work to do, I guess.
We've got a 15.
We've also used to work in restaurants.
Two 15s in a half hour, maybe 45.
You start smoking.
You get a lot more breaks when you work in a restaurant.
That's true.
You sure do.
And the group of four there...
I'm going to give it three names.
And the other fellas...
Silent Bob.
The other fellas' names, yeah.
We call them...
We call them the Quiet One.
That is an ominous name.
Extremely creepy.
Does he look creepy? What's he look like?
He's super friendly.
That's like us telling people we are the Three.
It sounds like we're like blind old ladies.
Like the tapestry weavers.
Like we should be in Macbeth mourning Macbeth about the future.
Yes, not at all. Hercules from Disney.
The four pull their table up to yours, and you sit down, and your food is there.
We eat.
We eat it.
It's delicious.
Boop, boop, boop.
I gave back to...
Oh!
I didn't rest it anywhere, yeah.
My finger still hurts.
Still a little singed.
No fingerprints on this.
Life of pride.
What do you mean liches used to run that place?
Oh, some time ago.
I mean, the building itself was built as a stronghold when the town was just called Alusk.
It was an orcish kind of battlefront, and then that was overrun.
And then years later, some wizards came in, and they did their wizardy stuff and turned themselves into liches.
You know, as they do sometimes when they're trying to just own their powers.
But then they wanted to just have this overseeing power over the city, and this was a whole big thing.
They were then run out by some other not like-minded individuals.
And then the latest group here, the Arkane Brotherhood, they came in and they use it as what they say as a place to learn magic
and learn about all these spiritual things.
But the tower itself, it gives off this aura throughout the city.
It just leaves people uneasy.
We don't like magic so much.
How are the Brotherhood as citizens of Luskin? Secretive? Helpful?
I mean, they kind of oversee the city right now.
They're what you call a bit of the governing body.
They have the checks and bAlydinces up there, but they kind of keep to themselves.
They don't really leave the tower all that often.
Questions? Anybody?
I'm sure we covered all of this like one year ago when we first ran into the Arkane Brotherhood.
Back in like February sometime.
As you guys are discussing, the door bursts open and you hear,
That's them! Those are the people who stole my horses!
Oh, this guy.
I knew he was coming back.
And he's followed by what looked like four or five...
There are five city guardsmen dressed in full armor and regalia following in behind him.
He says, Get them! Take them away! Take them to the gallows!
Whoa!
Sounds like a pretty high crime here that he's committed.
Whoa. Whoa. I stand up. I put down my...
Like the stockades, maybe. The gallows, come on!
Sir, your horses...
Are not back in my stables!
Thea takes one of those breaths where she's just like...
Out with the good, out with the bad.
Did I not say that we would return your horses?
You did, but I don't see my horses and I see you.
Did you end up sucked into some sort of alternate dimension
for what you thought was only a day and a half,
but ended up being three weeks back here?
Did you?
Yes.
Don't believe it.
You should consider yourself lucky that we made sure that the horses
were not also captured by this horrendous person who had imprisoned us.
And thusly we ended up in this alternate dimension shit.
You're imprisoned in a portal without horses.
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
You're wrong.
Interesting.
Take them away!
Can you give us time to get you your horses back?
Trust me when I say we love tiny, clip-clopping, butterhub.
While this conversation is happening, you see your new friend stand up
and go to talk to the guards.
And he says, I don't think...
Guards! Guards! Come here!
And all of them just kind of walk over to him and say, nothing.
Nothing.
And they walk up.
He's a half-orc?
It's the person we're talking to today?
A human.
He's a really ugly human.
Really ugly.
He looks like a handsome.
As the kids would say, bubbly.
Yes. I say, thank you, my friend.
He was...
Unbearable. Yeah, unbearable.
Yeah, he's... Don't rent horses from him anymore.
I mean, I don't know what you did with the horses or where the horses are,
but just to kind of steer clear of them.
I didn't... I would like to keep the horses.
We love the horses!
This is what I'm wondering. Can we just buy the horses?
I mean, do you have the horses?
In Little Rock, yeah.
In our hearts.
Okay.
When does your business take you out of the city?
Because you've got a few days before he's going to go knock on the guard's doors again.
Possibly tomorrow.
You'll be fine.
We'll be gone by then.
You'll be fine. Don't worry about it.
Thank you again.
We'll buy you a beer.
Definitely.
And some of those lamb skewers, because they were delicious.
He says, thank you.
And you carry about your night.
Unless there's anything else in particular you want to discuss.
You have lots of fun, and then you go and you crash.
That's the international symbol for fun.
It's a lot better than the international symbol for magic that wizards do,
because that looked like this, and I got confused.
As you were hand gesturing, you were like, and they did their wizard magic,
and I was just like, come on, magic is this.
Special magic.
Verifying. God damn it. I wouldn't trust those people either.
That's just a big phallic symbol.
Yeah, so you tell tales, not in an awkward fashion, of your travels,
and you hit the hay, and you wake up the next day, and it is bright.
We go to sleep in an inn, sleep the whole night,
and I'm not awoken by someone choke-holding this guy,
or like a dragon tearing him.
Nothing, we just sleep.
Wow, I love the colors.
Cutlass will win.
I didn't get my things back because of sleeping.
You're really worried about those two hit points, really.
I feel like I earned them, but I didn't want to.
Fingerprints are back. Your fingerprint, just that one.
It was just one, I was just like, hey.
But I brushed it off, I was like, eh.
Like when you try to push your hair back all sexy,
but you get it stuck in a knot, and you're like.
I often have that problem, so I know what you're talking about.
It's the beard twirl, right?
You're like snappy, like a hangnailer.
Then I can't remove my, yeah.
It's real bad.
Yeah, so it is the morning.
Oh, let's book it over to the host tower of the arcane.
I feel like this is just kind of something we need to wrap up,
because I want to get on that ship and do that other mission.
I know, that sounds fun.
For the betterment of the world.
So you settle up with the innkeeper who you've learned through the night.
His name is Arum Gardepac.
Hey.
That's what his name is.
Why wouldn't it be?
It's not even funny.
It's a very common name.
Sorry, Arum?
Arum Gardepac.
And you make your way to the host tower, and the door is wide open.
Good, that'll be.
The same gentleman is standing at the front desk area.
Wilfrid.
Concierge.
Ephraim.
Wilfrid says, oh, you're back again.
You're here to see Makoth, yes?
Yes.
He picks up some device and kind of whispers into it,
and a plume of smoke rises up into the air,
and it floats up and into one of the rooms at the back,
and then Makoth comes out and she says,
Neat.
That's fun.
Good to see you again.
I have had discussions.
She comes down.
She says, I have had discussions with the magistrates here,
and they are willing to help you out in your fight against them.
They are concerned about the portal incidents you've had up late,
rips being torn and dimensional walls and whatnot.
Oh, that's not our fault, though.
Okay.
Well, whose fault is it?
Tibby.
Who's Tibby?
It's the one who created the portal.
Yes, but who's Tibby?
Tibby is a little robot.
Girl?
A mech.
That was modern.
Yeah, I see the modern.
Yes.
Okay, interesting.
Well, we did not choose to go through the portal.
We were stuck in a dungeon.
There was no way out.
Hopefully beyond...
Circumstances being what they are.
Hopefully beyond these troubles that we are having,
we are able to perhaps meet and discuss these portal,
portal magics that this Tibby has learned
and see if we can't get them sorted out
and figure out what's going on there.
But your brain friend,
brain friend, there is a spell of sorts
that does require some components we don't have regularly here.
Sweet.
At the Arcane Brotherhood.
Request!
So, we are more than willing to do the spell
and run the situation for you.
Is there a host vessel for the spirit that's in me to be put into?
I ask without any prompting from my friend Bort
because he knows I've got it back.
This is one of the components that we require.
So, if you were to put him not just into the Aether,
please don't put me in the Aether,
but rather into a new body,
that would be better.
We would require a new body for him.
Anything particular about this body?
Just a body?
Well, I mean the body can't really be dead.
Okay.
So, I'll leave that part up to you,
how you figure that out.
We also require a drop of your blood,
easy enough to obtain.
I don't know, that seems pretty difficult.
We require diamond as a dust.
So, brown to diamonds.
And we also require the amulet of wonder.
I pulled that out of my back pocket.
Oh, this amulet?
This one?
Yes.
The amulet of wonder will probably be the most difficult to obtain.
Most of the other things you could probably,
well, you have your blood, a new body,
you just find one, somehow, someway, your call.
Sounds legit.
And the diamond as dust you can probably find from a merchant
somewhere along your way.
But the...
So, what you're saying is you literally have nothing you need.
Oh, there are many other pieces to this thing that we do have,
but these are the ones that we do not.
So, you didn't already have some of my blood?
What a weird coincidence.
Or a vessel?
No willing vessels.
Does the vessel have to be willing?
Well...
Better?
I suppose not.
I mean, it would be easier, but...
We could capture a bad guy.
Put him in there.
He could take over the bad guy's mind.
But wouldn't there then just be the same problem of having two and one?
This is my question.
We put the second soul into a new vessel,
does he have to fight the...
Well, part of the procedure is removing the soul from the new vessel.
Oh, good. That sounds fun.
So...
Remember that horse guy? He was a real jag.
Nice.
He's kind of scrawny, though. I don't think we want him.
My name? Bortnobody?
We can't hear Bortnobody, but that's a great name.
Beggars, something-something choosers.
The Amulet of...
What did I call it?
The Amulet of Wonder is probably going to be the most difficult to find.
It was... the last known location of it was in a temple in Kalimshan,
which is on the north coast of the Shining Sea,
and it's to the south of a city called...
or a region called Tether.
The capital city we probably know as Kalimport.
And you would probably want to start there.
Is this south?
It's on the north coast of the Shining Sea,
which is on the opposite side of Faerun,
which you, as players, have never seen a map of.
Pretty sure, if I remember my map of Faerun correctly,
that's somewhat close to where Dantheros is.
What?
Because I'm pretty sure I had Carla's character go over the sea
to get to where she was going.
It's probably a different time period.
You might never run into those people.
It's entirely possible.
But that temple, not exactly the precise location,
you'd probably want to start in Kalimport and see, ask around there.
Obviously this is on your timetable,
so we are ready to begin whenever you are,
but there are obviously more pressing things at hand.
It's up to you.
Should we ask her if she knows anything
about that other dragon speaker guy
that the airship dude wants to go take care of
from way back in the day?
Transparency and whatnot,
we're all supposed to be working together.
Just that she might know something.
She might.
Do for sure have that person written down.
Wormspeaker leaders.
Vram the White? Is that who we're looking for?
In the Serpent Hills, yes.
And he like went rogue, right?
What Leosin told you in episode two
was Vram the White,
who is known to be a close ally and confident of Severin,
the cult of the dragon leader,
has gone missing.
Or rather, he hasn't gone missing.
The rumor is his white dragon mask has gone missing.
But the rumor also states
that Severin does not know Vram has lost the mask yet.
Well, no, you don't tell your boss you fucked up your head.
So Vram was last seen in the Serpent Hills.
Airship fake name guy.
Believed to be tracking his lost mask,
which has been stolen from him.
But that was the last location he was seen.
I feel like he's changed his story to stolen from him.
Not like he's misplaced it.
He's completely incompetent.
Just like left it in the back of his cab
on the boat night from the bar one night.
That's what Leosin would have told you.
So I say, McAuth,
Grancis
is here to help us on the next part of our journey
to defeating the cult of the dragon.
We are going to Serpent Hills
to look for the white mask of Vram.
Do you have any information that can help us?
We all have the same goal here.
Vram the White was...
We have heard that he is in search of the white dragon mask
that was in fact stolen from him.
He has managed to hide this from Severin.
Last I heard, something may have changed since then.
It's been a while since we last heard of this.
But it was stolen perhaps by a thief with the Zhentarim.
And last heard, he was tracking it through the Serpent Hills.
That is really all the information we have,
but sounds like that's still what they're going off of
with your guild, Denied Shadows,
and perhaps what the council at Waterdeep is still going off of.
Well, it looks like we are going to investigate this further.
Do you have anything that could help us on our journey?
Well, when you need the Arcane Brotherhood, we will be there.
But there is nothing I can grant you.
I mean, I tried to grant her knowledge of wisdom and magic.
Shh, turn me down.
It was a pretty harsh rejection.
You just told me yesterday I could come back
when we were done this adventure.
I could, but I tried to get you right off the boat.
Yeah, months ago.
Remember, you come with me, this isn't a trap.
I don't want to break up the game.
We're very reluctant to break up the game.
What are we doing?
We've got to stay together.
Aside from separating your friend and his new friend from each other,
there's nothing I can send you with at this moment.
Is there anything else you need from us at this moment?
Because we're going to hop on that airship.
Knowing that you are back in the fight against the Cult of the Dragon,
knowing that you are still in the fight against the Cult of the Dragon,
has appeased the magistrates of the Arcane Brotherhood,
and they will be in touch with the Council at Waterdeep
and with the Guild of the Nine Shadows
in order to find out what needs to happen next.
But it sounds like you need to catch an airship
and get it out of here with Grancis.
Get rid of Grancis.
Grancis?
The most popular man in town.
And us, by association, with him.
Yeah, totally.
Makoth, I will return to learn more
when we have defeated the Cult of the Dragon.
I guess that's when I'll return.
I feel you will find more of your abilities along your journey,
but we would be grateful to help you in discovering those.
Thank you for your help.
To the airship.
To everyone's favorite, Grancis.
To the man everyone hates for some reason.
For some reason.
Krystrel Zoid's very lovable.
I don't know why everyone just loves him.
He could just be an intense personality.
You make your way back out and you meet the same dwarf at the gate.
Knock, knock.
Is he leaving this time?
Yes.
Good.
We're going to go.
We're going to take Grancis with us.
Alright.
He lets you in.
He gives us whatever we want from the dwarf's trouble.
Anything you guys need?
You need some weapons, some armor, some something?
You got anything cool?
I mean, it's all like ore and stuff, but I don't know.
You're fine.
Just get out of here.
That's all I'm saying.
So yeah, he just lets you through
and sees you climb aboard the airship.
And Grancis says,
Alright, so we can...
She's already gone, but can we get out of here now?
Yeah, I don't see why not.
Let's go.
Alright, so he...
Let's go find a dragon mask.
He starts pulling knobs and levers.
He's like, are we going to go see your horses or what?
Yeah, the horses.
Quick stop by the horses?
I have no idea of the geography of this place.
I only have a map of the city.
We left them in a forest
before we found the Oni, the kid that was the Oni,
if I remember correctly.
Oh, so that wasn't that far.
That was like less than a day's walk.
How fast does this airship go?
Quick, perfect.
We're there.
Grancis turns all the knobs and everything
and sets off towards Little Rock.
You see, along your way,
three recognizable horses riding in the field.
I scream out the ship,
Tiny!
He says, are we picking up these horses or what?
Fuck yeah.
So he drops the airship down and lowers a ramp.
And you guys lead the horses back onto the ship.
And he says, if they shit, I'm not cleaning it up.
Well, the horses, they're definitely going to shit.
Yeah, but I'm not cleaning it up is all I'm saying.
Fair.
But there's not really an if.
That's all we're saying.
When they shit, I'm not cleaning it up.
So just figure it out.
Also, I'm not bringing these guys back to that jackass guy.
And then he takes back off
and starts setting south towards these serpent hills.
Guys, we played D&D together.
Yay!
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.